Worst Sexual Terminology

[EC2]

At a slight tangent, I have great little research book called The Lover's Tongue:A merry romp through the language of love and sex by Mark Morton, who, when he wrote the book was assistant professor of English at the university of Winnipeg. He lists 1,300 words for penis before he even begin on the female bits. In the latter section he gives us the trivia that Robert Browning made a faux pas out of ignorance in his 19thC poem Pippa Passes.
Apparently he thought that a 'twat' was a nun's headdress.

'They talked of his having a Cardinal's Hat
They'd send him rather as soon an Old Nun's Twat.

[Misfit]

This certainly doesn't qualify as the worst, but I had to share anyway. Robert Gellis,

The revelation restored my good humor, although it made it no easier to convince my standing man that he would find no soft, warm haven this night. Partly to induce him to lay down.....

I do like Gellis but sometimes it's a bit over the top.

[pat]

I have read a few, but I need to think for a while to remember them!

I must admit I do cringe at the throbbing member bit too!

[Misfit]

Here's another and I'm only half way through this book so I'm sure there will be more,

I had a long row to hoe before I could plunge my spade into Melusine earth and plant seen there.

That is my standing man, Melusine.........You know his name. You must not fear him, for he loves you and only wishes for your pleasure. Come, make friends.

[SonjaMarie]

I'm reading "The French Mistress" by Susan Holloway Scott and in the scene I just read, Charles II is pressing up against Louise de Keoualle, they haven't had sex yet and she's just on the verge of giving in (not yet sure if she does), but this line made me roll my eyes:
"I felt the length of his eager scepter hard against me, ready for employment as soon as his master chose."

Oye!

SM

[Chatterbox]

Personalizing that scepter, isn't she?? Shouldn't it be 'its master'?

As soon as I read 'hot, throbbing' anything, I groan and skip the next few paragraphs. Honestly, it's very boring. Especially when it's that predictable.

This reminds me why I don't read romances! It's like trying to describe other senses -- the impact of a painting, music, taste of wine. These are things that are felt, and when we try to use a different sense to explain them - -i.e. language -- we usually fail miserably. In all cases, less is more; but in almost all cases of any of these things being described in words, cliches triumph. Paintings 'glow', violin strings 'vibrate', wine tastes like summer, etc. etc. etc.

[SonjaMarie]

[quote=""Chatterbox""]Personalizing that scepter, isn't she?? Shouldn't it be 'its master'?

[/quote]

Nope, not "its master", definitely "his master", I checked to make sure I typed it right.

SM

[chuck]

[quote=""annis""]Just have add this one to the list - I encountered it yesterday when indulging in some historical romance - "hot love stick" (groan )[/quote]

Reminds me of the Nigel's hilarious lyrical description in "Spinal Tap"(film).....'My Love Pump'....I wish I could remember some of Flashy's vivid descriptions....

[Misfit]

[quote=""SonjaMarie""]I'm reading "The French Mistress" by Susan Holloway Scott and in the scene I just read, Charles II is pressing up against Louise de Keoualle, they haven't had sex yet and she's just on the verge of giving in (not yet sure if she does), but this line made me roll my eyes:
"I felt the length of his eager scepter hard against me, ready for employment as soon as his master chose."

Oye!

SM[/quote]



I seem to recall something really off the wall in their first time *doing it* that had me rolling my eyes. Quote it if you come across it please.

[SonjaMarie]

[quote=""Misfit""]

I seem to recall something really off the wall in their first time *doing it* that had me rolling my eyes. Quote it if you come across it please.[/quote]

Will do! Madame has just died, sad, I wonder if she had cancer or if it really was poison, though she was away from Monsieur for that month and still seemed to be sick there at times.

SM