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God Save the Queen

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Misfit
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God Save the Queen

Post by Misfit » Thu October 2nd, 2008, 2:09 pm

:D :) :p ROFL LMAO. I've copied and pasted this from a forwarded email I received today,

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.)< SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to deter mine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter "U" will be reinstated in words such as "colour," "favour," "labour" and "neighbour." Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut" without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "-ize" will be replaced by the suffix "-ise." Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up "vocabulary").

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as '"like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The M< FONT color=navy>icrosoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter "u"' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. Australian beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, an d we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.


God Save the Queen!

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Leyland
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Post by Leyland » Thu October 2nd, 2008, 2:14 pm

That is funny stuff - I've seen it before, but from Michael Palin or one of other Monty boys instead of QEII. Thanks for posting it!
We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams ~ Arthur O'Shaughnessy, Ode

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sweetpotatoboy
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Post by sweetpotatoboy » Thu October 2nd, 2008, 2:17 pm

Very funny!!! Quite right, I say. (Not that Gordon Brown's been doing such a good job either...)

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Misfit
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Post by Misfit » Thu October 2nd, 2008, 2:21 pm

hehe. I missed the one about JFK the first time around reading it.

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Vanessa
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Post by Vanessa » Thu October 2nd, 2008, 2:30 pm

Very funny! I've seen it before. (I can't stand Gordon Brown myself..... but I do like our Queen! She has quite a sense of humour has the lass.).
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boswellbaxter
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Post by boswellbaxter » Thu October 2nd, 2008, 2:49 pm

LOL! Does this mean I have to start drinking my Coca-Cola warm?
Susan Higginbotham
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LCW
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Post by LCW » Thu October 2nd, 2008, 3:54 pm

LOL too funny! But, Your Majesty, could you at least give us until Nov. 4th to see if we can correct our "failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA"! If not you can take us over no questions asked, promise! :p
Books to the ceiling,
Books to the sky,
My pile of books is a mile high.
How I love them! How I need them!
I'll have a long beard by the time I read them. --Arnold Lobel

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SonjaMarie
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Post by SonjaMarie » Thu October 2nd, 2008, 4:49 pm

I've been spelling words like "color" as "colour" and favorite as "favourite" for ages, so no skin off of my nose there. I don't drink, I don't watch sports persay, I can't drive, I don't do maths, we never do anything on the 4th of July, I don't have a gun, I don't have a lawyer, or therapist (at this time), so other than the back taxes I think I'm all set for the take over! ;)

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Misfit
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Post by Misfit » Thu October 2nd, 2008, 5:10 pm

I'll take Elizabeth over George W any day of the week.

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SonjaMarie
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Post by SonjaMarie » Thu October 2nd, 2008, 5:13 pm

Yeah, but then I thought about it some more and when she dies we'd end up with Chuck and his Bulldog (the other word I'd use for her would get censored here!)

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