Worst HF you've ever read

[JaneConsumer]

Sandra Worth's first Richard III novel. I forget the title. Purple prose and a character portrayal that was OTT.

Telynor, Although I usually agree with you, I have to say I liked Wideacre. I have a thing for disturbed characters, it seems.

[JMJacobsen]

I'm sitting here now casting dirty looks at the unread copy of Mary Magdalene on the bookshelf.

I agree about Helen of Troy. I finished it but Helen and Paris are difficult subjects to write about. You have to be able to make the reader feel that they were actually worth a war and George didn't (or couldn't) quite do that. Paris came across as a little boy -- not the man he needed to be -- and Helen as a self-indulgent little twit.

[EC2]

[quote=""JaneConsumer""]Sandra Worth's first Richard III novel. I forget the title. Purple prose and a character portrayal that was OTT.

[[/quote]

That would be the one with the 'violet orbs' where Anne Neville's eyes should have been. I had to stop reading there. I think with a stiff edit it could have been a fine novel though.

[EC2]

Telynor, I loved Down the Common by Ann Baer, but I agree with you re the Crimson Petal and the White.
My wallbanger list consists of:

Pilgrim by James Jackson
Pillars of the Earth -Ken Follett
Jewel Under Siege by Polly Forrester (obscure Mills and Boon set in 1097 Unintentionally hilarious).
The Last English King by Julian Rathbone
Labyrinth by Kate Mosse

Mostly I don't care enough to wall bang. I just think 'meh' and go on to the next. On the above list I have different emotions about different books. The Jewel under Siege one I'm quite fond of because it's too silly for words but in a way that make me laugh. Pillars of the Earth irritates and annoys me. Pilgrim, which I recently reviewed for the HNS is so stunningly bad I cannot believe it's a published novel. It's also offensive. I know the Jews were hated in the middle ages by the European Christians, but if an author touches on interraction with Jews in a novel set in the Medieval period, I would expect him or her to see that villiification through the attitude and mindset of the character. To have the author's voice intrude, talking about one of the characters interracting with a 'greedy, hook-nosed, Jewish money lender' was too much. It's stereo-typing at its worst. And that was without a gang of murderous Cathar perfecti (absolute pacifists in the historical record) out to do away with little children and the pope, and a 16 year old noble boy setting off on crusade on his own and hooking up with a bunch of 12yr old peasants as if they were all greate mates together and off for a day's surfing. I half expected the 16yr old to call his new found friends 'Dude.' There was one set of silliness after another. If this book had positives it was the pace and the breakneck speed of the adventure. It's supposedly about the Children's Crusade but the subject matter is interpreted very loosely.
Cough, and after that rant I'd better retire!

[Tanzanite]

[quote=""JMJacobsen""]Yikes...I just bought that one. I'm on a mission to read every Jean Plaidy novel, which may very well take the remainder of my natural life, given how much that woman wrote if you include all of her other pen names.[/quote]

I really liked The Lady in the Tower, and was willing to overlook that inaccuracy involving Anne's mother since I believe Boswell is correct about it being a prevelant notion at the time it was written. If I remember correctly, Norah Lofts' The Concubine includes a statement (as part of one of the chapter headings) out of Strickland's non fiction book about either the mother's death or her stepmother.

And I forgot about Helen of Troy - didn't like that one much either.

[Ash]

[quote=""diamondlil""]I would probably have to say Music and Silence by Rose Tremain. I thought I would totally love that book - it had an interesting setting in Denmark in the 1600s, but oh boy.....It's not often that I don't finish a book, but this was one of the few that have that honour![/quote]

Oh my, I loved that book! It was slow at first (and the description of where those musicians had to play had me shivering, and it was 100 degrees outside when I was reading it), but it soon sped up and I could see how the different parts were connecting. But then I like her other books, so maybe I'm just used to her style.

>Pilgrim,

Everytime I see that book mentioned I immediately think of the excellent Pilgrim by Timothy Findley. Its not HF (well, if you stretch it), but its one of my all time favs.

[chuck]

[quote=""Misfit""]Well, I'm finally a trend setter, although I can't take credit for it, I stole it from another commenter or two somewhere on amazon [/quote]

Hello Misfit....I think M.A. George, a very to the point and straight shooter poster from the Amazon HF forum may have coined the Wallbanger term, but you have made the term; even more enjoyable .....In college, I broke more than few backs of those hated text books.....Worst...Clive Cussler....can't remember....something about findina Viking ship in a Iceberg....totally absurd....I do remember it flew like a frisbee....and it was birthday gift.....

[Telynor]

[quote=""EC2""]
Pilgrim, which I recently reviewed for the HNS is so stunningly bad I cannot believe it's a published novel. It's also offensive. I know the Jews were hated in the middle ages by the European Christians, but if an author touches on interraction with Jews in a novel set in the Medieval period, I would expect him or her to see that villiification through the attitude and mindset of the character. To have the author's voice intrude, talking about one of the characters interracting with a 'greedy, hook-nosed, Jewish money lender' was too much. It's stereo-typing at its worst. And that was without a gang of murderous Cathar perfecti (absolute pacifists in the historical record) out to do away with little children and the pope, and a 16 year old noble boy setting off on crusade on his own and hooking up with a bunch of 12yr old peasants as if they were all greate mates together and off for a day's surfing. [/quote]

Rant away. Thank you for the warning -- if an author slipped in that comment into a book, I would have have been screaming with rage. Anti-semitism is one of the things that will guarantee that I will not pick up an author's book again. I had to grow up with too much of that, and it's bad enough to see in the real world, I don't need to see it in my escapist reading. And making the Cathars murderous? Oy....

[diamondlil]

[quote=""chuck""]Hello Misfit....I think M.A. George, a very to the point and straight shooter poster from the Amazon HF forum may have coined the Wallbanger term, but you have made the term; even more enjoyable .....In college, I broke more than few backs of those hated text books.....Worst...Clive Cussler....can't remember....something about findina Viking ship in a Iceberg....totally absurd....I do remember it flew like a frisbee....and it was birthday gift.....[/quote]



I've known people who used this phrase for a number of years. It would be very hard to go back now and track who first used it in this context!

[Volgadon]

[quote=""JMJacobsen""]I'm sitting here now casting dirty looks at the unread copy of Mary Magdalene on the bookshelf.

I agree about Helen of Troy. I finished it but Helen and Paris are difficult subjects to write about. You have to be able to make the reader feel that they were actually worth a war and George didn't (or couldn't) quite do that. Paris came across as a little boy -- not the man he needed to be -- and Helen as a self-indulgent little twit.[/quote]

I just don't see how Paris and Helen could come across as much different, although Helen probably matured a bit.
Not sure that one needs to make the reader feel that they were worth a war, because, at least for me, the 'face that launched a thousand ships' doesn't ring quite true and there are many factors to figure in.

Here's my own take on it. Pretty boy Paris, a vacous and self-centered playboy, goes abroad to play. He stays at Menelaus's place, falls in lust with M's young wife, the gorgeous Helen. This pretty socialite is utterly bored by life with the greatest bore this side of of the Dardanelles, whose interests hardly extend further than hunting and getting drunk with his buddies once a fortnight. She longs for someone who would dance and flirt with her, not some mannerless lout whose idea of romance is one, two, three you have a new baby, oh and don't forget to do the dusting and my sleeve is ripped, mend that, won't you.
Paris, a charming ladies man, instantly wins her heart and they decide to run away together. They flee to Troy, neither thinking of any consequences.
Menelaus is furious. He has been hurt where it hurts most- his pride. He is now the laughing stock of all Greece. He sends Troy an ultimatum, hand over the pair or prepare for war.
Back home, Paris, had he expected a hero's welcome, was sorely dissapointed. His elder brother, Hector, the sensible one, is furious. He has to pick up the pieces yet again. War is looming, which Hector doesn't want. Bad for trade and agriculture, and life in general. Paris, needing allies, whips up the anti-Greek factions in a frenzy of patriotic fever.
Meanwhile, Menelaus calls on his allies, bound by treaty to help him. It's as tangled a web as WWI!! Some are quite keen to stick one to the Trojans, their main rivals in commerce, others aren't quite as keen.
And there you have it, war begins.