Disorder in the Court!
Q. As an officer of the Dodge City Police Department, did you stop an automobile bearing Kansas license places SCR446?
A. Yes, sir.
Q. Was the vehicle occupied at the time?
Medical Speak
The patient tells me he has continued to improve every day. He's still a bit weak when he tries to lift things above his head, but he can easily stick his finger in his ear and carry firewood.
Sportspeak
Ninety-nine percent of this game is half-mental. ~ Yogi Bera
Stop the Presses!
FREE ADVICE: BUNDLE UP WHEN OUT IN COLD
Sign of the Times
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work.
Lost in Translation
Wake-up message from the front desk of a Japanese hotel: Your time is up.
School Daze
Gravity was invented by Isaac Newton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.
Advertisement
Main Street Pizza: We deliver, or pick up.
Mixed-Up Metaphor
We have buttered our bread and now we have to sleep in it.
Wrong Word
I drank myself into Bolivia.
Jumping to Confusions
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Anguished English
-
Kveto from Prague
- Compulsive Reader
- Posts: 921
- Joined: September 2008
- Location: Prague, Bohemia
[quote=""Volgadon""]I about fell off my chair just now. They were showing an anti-Israel protest, one of the protestors held up a placard: death to all juice....[/quote]
Sorry to hear about the protest Volgadon, but I can't help laughing.
Sorry to hear about the protest Volgadon, but I can't help laughing.
Les proz e les vassals
Souvent entre piez de chevals
Kar ja li coard nI chasront
'The Brave and the valiant
Are always to be found between the hooves of horses
For never will cowards fall down there.'
Histoire de Guillaume le Mareschal
www.elizabethchadwick.com
Souvent entre piez de chevals
Kar ja li coard nI chasront
'The Brave and the valiant
Are always to be found between the hooves of horses
For never will cowards fall down there.'
Histoire de Guillaume le Mareschal
www.elizabethchadwick.com
I have a book called Non Campus Mentis, a hilarious collection of students history exam answers compiled by Professor Anders Henriksson. This book always has me in fits, no matter how often I read it.
Some examples:
The Sophists justified themselves by changing relatives whenever this needed to be done.
Plato invented reality. He was teacher to Harris Tottle, author of the Republicans..
King Minoose became Head Cretin
The mother of Jesus was Mary, who was different from other women because of her immaculate contraption.
The Arians denied the Holy Triangle
The entire city of Constantinople rose up with a tremendous ejaculation every time the Emperor Constantine came.
During the Middle Ages there rose the manurial system where land was passed from fathers to sons by primogenuflecture.
In 1066 England was overrun by Norman the Conqueror. Henry II acquired new parts by marrying Ellenor of Equine.
Qin Shihuangdi did away with Confusionism. Russia was run over by Batu Cohen and crushed under the Mongol yolk.
John Huss refused to decant his ideas and was therefore burned as a steak.
Fedinand and Isabella conquered Granola.
Captain Cook found many continents while deliberately on exhibition and located the perfect navel spot on Africas bottom.
*Calvinsts were the only ones who believed in pre-detonation. Its not surprising that their preaching consisted mainly of dogmatic explosions.
After the refirmation were wars both foreign and infernal. Philip II later annoyed the Dutch by speaking to them in Spanish, a language he did not understand.
The Thity Years War began with the Defecation of Prague.
Hitler shot himself in the bonker.
Some examples:
The Sophists justified themselves by changing relatives whenever this needed to be done.
Plato invented reality. He was teacher to Harris Tottle, author of the Republicans..
King Minoose became Head Cretin
The mother of Jesus was Mary, who was different from other women because of her immaculate contraption.
The Arians denied the Holy Triangle
The entire city of Constantinople rose up with a tremendous ejaculation every time the Emperor Constantine came.
During the Middle Ages there rose the manurial system where land was passed from fathers to sons by primogenuflecture.
In 1066 England was overrun by Norman the Conqueror. Henry II acquired new parts by marrying Ellenor of Equine.
Qin Shihuangdi did away with Confusionism. Russia was run over by Batu Cohen and crushed under the Mongol yolk.
John Huss refused to decant his ideas and was therefore burned as a steak.
Fedinand and Isabella conquered Granola.
Captain Cook found many continents while deliberately on exhibition and located the perfect navel spot on Africas bottom.
*Calvinsts were the only ones who believed in pre-detonation. Its not surprising that their preaching consisted mainly of dogmatic explosions.
After the refirmation were wars both foreign and infernal. Philip II later annoyed the Dutch by speaking to them in Spanish, a language he did not understand.
The Thity Years War began with the Defecation of Prague.
Hitler shot himself in the bonker.