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Good jokes and other funny stuff

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SonjaMarie
Bibliomaniac
Location: Vashon, WA
Contact:

Postby SonjaMarie » Fri July 10th, 2009, 6:20 am

Evian Water Commercial with adorable roller skating "babies", the faces are real babies, but the rest is CGI (of course!):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PHnRIn74Ag

SM
The Lady Jane Grey Internet Museum
My Booksfree Queue

Original Join Date: Mar 2006
Previous Amount of Posts: 2,517
Books Read In 2014: 109 - June: 17 (May: 17)
Full List Here: http://www.historicalfictiononline.com/forums/showthread.php?p=114965

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Tanzanite
Bibliophile
Location: Northern Virginia
Contact:

Postby Tanzanite » Sun July 19th, 2009, 7:18 pm

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled:

'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE.'

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced: 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight; and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous
dessert.

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the kind of sex that I want.

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'

The wife replied: 'The damn funeral director would be my first guess.

User avatar
nona
Bibliophile
Location: Oklahoma

Postby nona » Sun July 19th, 2009, 8:13 pm

lol, that would be my guess too!

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MLE (Emily Cotton)
Bibliomaniac
Interest in HF: started in childhood with the classics, which, IMHO are HF even if they were contemporary when written.
Favorite HF book: Prince of Foxes, by Samuel Shellabarger
Preferred HF: Currently prefer 1600 and earlier, but I'll read anything that keeps me turning the page.
Location: California Bay Area

Postby MLE (Emily Cotton) » Sun December 6th, 2009, 4:45 am

[COLOR=navy]How to clean a toilet...[/COLOR]

[COLOR=navy]This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.[/COLOR]



[COLOR=navy]1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.[/COLOR]


[COLOR=navy]2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. [/COLOR]


[COLOR=navy]3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=navy]4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. [/COLOR]


[COLOR=navy]5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash and rinse'.[/COLOR]


[COLOR=navy]6. Have someone open the front door of your home. [/COLOR][COLOR=navy]Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. [/COLOR]


[COLOR=navy]7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.[/COLOR]


[COLOR=navy]8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. [/COLOR]


[COLOR=navy]9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean. [/COLOR]


Image
Sincerely,

The Dog

[SIZE=3]Image [/SIZE]
Last edited by MLE (Emily Cotton) on Fri September 16th, 2011, 2:20 pm, edited 2 times in total.

User avatar
Vanessa
Bibliomaniac
Currently reading: The Music Shop by Rachel Joyce & The Poison Bed by E C Fremantle (Pigeonhole)
Interest in HF: The first historical novel I read was Katherine by Anya Seton and this sparked off my interest in this genre.
Favorite HF book: Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell!
Preferred HF: Any
Location: North Yorkshire, UK

Postby Vanessa » Sun December 6th, 2009, 11:21 am

I like that one, MLE. :D
currently reading: My Books on Goodreads

Books are mirrors, you only see in them what you already have inside you ~ The Shadow of the Wind

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EC2
Bibliomaniac
Location: Nottingham UK
Contact:

Postby EC2 » Sun December 6th, 2009, 1:55 pm

Hah hah! MLE. Very funny indeed - love it.
Will now go and try it out as it's bathroom day! ;)
Les proz e les vassals
Souvent entre piez de chevals
Kar ja li coard n’I chasront

'The Brave and the valiant
Are always to be found between the hooves of horses
For never will cowards fall down there.'

Histoire de Guillaume le Mareschal

www.elizabethchadwick.com

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donroc
Compulsive Reader
Location: Winter Haven, Florida
Contact:

New Jewish Calendar

Postby donroc » Thu March 3rd, 2011, 4:54 pm

For those who frequent Chinese restaurants (don't we all?), and see
the placemats showing the Chinese zodiac (you know, the year of the
rat, the year of the monkey, etc.) - well, here is the official Jewish
equivalent.

Now you can find out who you are.

The Year of:

CHICKEN SOUP
1907, 1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003
You're a healer, nourishing all whom you encounter. We feel better
just being in your presence. Mothers want to bring you home to meet
their children - resist this at all costs. Compatible with Bagel and
Knish.

EGG CREAM
1908, 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004
You've got a devious personality since you're made with neither eggs
nor cream. Friends find your pranks refreshing; others think you're
too frothy. Compatible with Blintz, who also has something to hide.

CHOPPED LIVER
1909, 1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005
People either love you or hate you, making you wonder "What am I,
chopped liver?" But don't get a complex; you're always welcome at the
holidays! Bagel's got your back.



BLINTZ
1910, 1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006
Creamy and dreamy, you're rightfully cautious to travel in pairs. You
play it coy but word is that, with the right topping, you turnover
morning, noon and night. Compatible with Schmear.

LATKE
1911, 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007
Working class with a grating exterior, you're a real softie on the
inside. Kind of plain naked, but when dressed up you're a real dish.
Compatible with Schmear's cousin Sour Cream.

BAGEL
1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008
You're pliable and always bounce back, although you feel something's
missing in your center. If this persists, get some therapy. Compatible
with Schmear and Lox...Latke and Knish, not so much.

PICKLE
1913, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009
You're the perfect sidekick: friends love your salty wit and snappy
banter, but you never overshadow them. That shows genuine seasoning
from when you were a cucumber. Marry Pastrami later in life.

SCHMEAR
1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010
You blend well with others but often spread yourself too thin. A
smooth operator, you could use some spicing up now and then.
Compatible with Bagel and Lox. Avoid Pastrami - wouldn't be kosher.

PASTRAMI
1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011
Brisket's hipper sibling, always smokin' and ready to party. You
spice up life even if you keep your parents up at night. Compatible
with Pickle, who's always by your side.

BLACK AND WHITE ICE CREAM SODA
1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012
Kids love you, but make up your mind! Are you black or white? Cake or
cookie? You say you're "New Age," all yin & yang. We call it
"bipolar." Sweetie, you're most compatible with yourself.

KNISH
1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013
Flaky on the surface, you're actually a person of depth and
substance. Consider medical or law school, but don't get too wrapped
up in yourself. Compatible with Pickle. Avoid Lox, who's out of your
league.

LOX
1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014
Thin and rich, you're very high maintenance: all you want to do is
bask in the heat, getting some color. Consider retiring to Boca.
Compatible with Bagel and Schmear, although you top them both.
User signature picture

Bodo the Apostate, a novel set during the reign of Louis the Pious and end of the Carolingian Empire.

http://www.donaldmichaelplatt.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXZthhY6OtI&feature=channel_page

User avatar
LoveHistory
Bibliomaniac
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Contact:

Postby LoveHistory » Thu March 3rd, 2011, 7:44 pm

Thanks Donroc, that was highly entertaining.

User avatar
MLE (Emily Cotton)
Bibliomaniac
Interest in HF: started in childhood with the classics, which, IMHO are HF even if they were contemporary when written.
Favorite HF book: Prince of Foxes, by Samuel Shellabarger
Preferred HF: Currently prefer 1600 and earlier, but I'll read anything that keeps me turning the page.
Location: California Bay Area

Postby MLE (Emily Cotton) » Mon June 27th, 2011, 6:49 pm

Egad, hardly any jokes lately! So here's mine:

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes" whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes" came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again, the small voice whispered, "No"

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No he's busy" said the little voice.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman." came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard the sound of a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?!" asked the boss, now getting alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?!"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "Me!"

User avatar
sweetpotatoboy
Bibliophile
Location: London, UK

Postby sweetpotatoboy » Fri September 16th, 2011, 11:58 am

Couldn't think where else to post this...

Anyway, a fun typo story today. What a difference a letter makes....
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/booksblog/2011/sep/12/shift-typo-romantic-novel-susan-andersen


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