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Good jokes and other funny stuff

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donroc
Compulsive Reader
Location: Winter Haven, Florida
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quickies

Postby donroc » Mon April 20th, 2009, 12:18 pm

In the 1970s, my wife used to manage a grandmother standup comic named Bea Bea Benson who could go non-stop for six hours and was "fired" from a hotel in vegas because she was drawing customers from the tables. Here are a pair that are funnier when said aloud.

What do they call a dehydrated Frenchman? Pierre.
What to they call a male hooker in England? Peter Sellars.
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Bodo the Apostate, a novel set during the reign of Louis the Pious and end of the Carolingian Empire.

http://www.donaldmichaelplatt.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXZthhY6OtI&feature=channel_page

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Spitfire
Reader
Location: Canada

Postby Spitfire » Mon April 27th, 2009, 9:51 pm

"donroc" wrote:What to they call a male hooker in England? Peter Sellars.


Tee Hee! ;)
Only the pure of heart can make good soup. - Beethoven

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Anna Elliott
Compulsive Reader

Total Eclipse of the Heart: Literal Video Version

Postby Anna Elliott » Sun June 7th, 2009, 11:03 pm

Thismade me and my husband laugh last night. Although be warned--you will have "Total Eclipse of the Heart" stuck in your head for a full day afterward! :)
[COLOR="SeaGreen"]
Author of the Twilight of Avalon trilogy
new book: Dark Moon of Avalon, coming Sept 14 from Simon &Schuster (Touchstone)
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http://www.annaelliottbooks.com

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Lauryn
Reader
Location: Vancouver, CA

Postby Lauryn » Mon June 8th, 2009, 6:49 am

*true story*

My girlfriend the gadget queen is having a baby - her first - and her hubby bought her an Ipod for her birthday. And then promptly filled it with his music and uses it daily. So when she told me about this, she said - and I quote "Oh Poo! He stole my new Ipod and won't give it back!"

So when I saw this onesie for the baby, I just couldn't resist. (I bet he gives THAT back!)
Even the mighty oak was once just a nut that held its ground.

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Ken
Compulsive Reader
Location: Truro, Cornwall, UK

Postby Ken » Mon June 8th, 2009, 7:21 am

Three steel erectors were working on a high-rise. Jonny, an Englishman, Mac, a Scotsman and Paddy, an Irishman.

Each lunchtime the three would walk out on to a steel beam high above the street, sit down and eat their packed lunch. Every day their sandwiches contained the same filling and they were getting fed up with this!

Opening his lunch box, Jonny says, "Roast beef!, if I get roast beef once more, I'll throw myself off this building!"

Mac opens his and says, "Oh no! Haggis again! If I get Haggis once more I'll throw myself off this building!"

Paddy opens his and says, "Oh no! potatoes again! If I get potatoes once more, I'll throw myself off this building!"

Sure enough, the next day all three open their lunchboxes, find the same thing within and throw themselves off the building.

At their funeral, their three wives are full of remorse. Jonny's wife says, "If only I'd known Jonny didn't like roast beef, I'd have put something else in and he'd still be here!"

Mac's wife said, "and if I'd known Mac didn't like haggis, I'd have changed it and he would still be here!"

Paddy's wife said " Sure, and Paddy made his own sandwiches!!!!!"

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Ken
Compulsive Reader
Location: Truro, Cornwall, UK

a couple more!

Postby Ken » Mon June 8th, 2009, 2:45 pm

Three friends from the local church were asked, "When you're in your casket and friends are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"

Artie said; "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine friend and a great family man."

Eugene commented; "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference to people's lives."

Al said; "I'd like them to say, "Look he's moving!!"




Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the lord... "God, what does a million years mean to You?"

The Lord replies, "a minute."

Smith asks, "and what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "a penny."

Smith asks, "can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "in a minute."

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sweetpotatoboy
Bibliophile
Location: London, UK

Postby sweetpotatoboy » Mon June 8th, 2009, 5:55 pm

"Lauryn" wrote:So when I saw this onesie for the baby, I just couldn't resist. (I bet he gives THAT back!)


Oh, that IS cute. I wonder if I can buy one here next time I need a gift for a baby.

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Richard
Reader
Location: Albany, NY
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Postby Richard » Fri June 12th, 2009, 6:25 pm

I didn't know whether to put this in "funny" or "best thing today".

Someone found my website about my historical novel Saint Mark's Body, looked at the character descriptions there, and used that "information" to edit the Italian Wikipedia article about the real person "Buono da Malamocco" on whom my MC is based.

He must have taken the stuff from a previous incarnation of the site, which had a lot more character details and information.

Annotated translation pf the article at my blog, http://saintmarksbody.com/buono/?p=63 . You can also find my ongoing webnovel there, chronichling Buono's early days. It's only a matter of time before someone puts that in the Wikipedia article too!
How did an 800-year-old headless corpse transform Venice from a backwater
into the greatest sea-empire of the early Middle Ages? Find out at,


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LoveHistory
Bibliomaniac
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Contact:

Postby LoveHistory » Mon June 29th, 2009, 4:28 pm

I saw this today:

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

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LoveHistory
Bibliomaniac
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Postby LoveHistory » Mon June 29th, 2009, 4:29 pm

"Lauryn" wrote:*true story*

My girlfriend the gadget queen is having a baby - her first - and her hubby bought her an Ipod for her birthday. And then promptly filled it with his music and uses it daily. So when she told me about this, she said - and I quote "Oh Poo! He stole my new Ipod and won't give it back!"

So when I saw this onesie for the baby, I just couldn't resist. (I bet he gives THAT back!)



This reminds me of the baby t-shirt that says "They Shake Me."


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