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Good jokes and other funny stuff

User avatar
Rowan
Bibliophile
Interest in HF: I love history, but it's boring in school. Historical fiction brings it alive for me.
Preferred HF: Iron-Age Britain, Roman Britain, Medieval Britain
Location: New Orleans
Contact:

Postby Rowan » Thu October 9th, 2008, 7:05 pm

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'
:D

User avatar
Spitfire
Reader
Location: Canada

The world's shortest psychiatric joke

Postby Spitfire » Wed October 29th, 2008, 4:40 pm

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of platic wrap.
The psychiatrist says, 'Well...I can clearly see your nuts.'

User avatar
Rowan
Bibliophile
Interest in HF: I love history, but it's boring in school. Historical fiction brings it alive for me.
Preferred HF: Iron-Age Britain, Roman Britain, Medieval Britain
Location: New Orleans
Contact:

Postby Rowan » Wed October 29th, 2008, 6:41 pm

lmao!!! :D

User avatar
Volgadon
Compulsive Reader
Location: Israel
Contact:

Postby Volgadon » Wed October 29th, 2008, 8:04 pm

The 90th birthday of a Jewish matriarch is approaching. Her three sons get together to brag about the gifts they bought.
The eldest said. "I have the perfect give. Mother had a hard life, raising us in a tiny one-bedroom apartment, so I bought mother a three-storey house, with elevators and fourty-five bedrooms."
"And I bought her a limousine and hired a chauffeur, so she never has to go anywhere on foot ever again." Said the second son.
The youngest son thought for a while, then said. "You two have no idea what mother likes. She loves nothing better than studying the Torah, but her eyesight is failing, so she can't read anymore. I bought her a parrot who has studied for forty yours under the very finest rabbis and can recite the Torah and discourse on it."
The next day they called their mother in hopes of hearing her praise their gifts.
To the first one she said. "Thank you son, it's a great house, but it's really too large for a little old woman like me. What do I need so many rooms for."
To son number two. "Thank you dear for the car, but an old woman like me never travels anywhere anymore."
Finally, the youngest called. "You dear little boy! You know exactly what an old mother loves. I made such a nice soup out of that chicken you sent."

User avatar
Spitfire
Reader
Location: Canada

Why we love children!

Postby Spitfire » Thu November 6th, 2008, 7:33 pm

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair while her dad is getting his hair cut, eating a twinkie for a snack. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you are going to get hair on your twinkie!" She says, "Yes I know, and I am gonna get boobs too!"

An exasperated mother whose son is always getting into mischief finally asks him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out, in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, "For Heaven's sake Dylan, come in or stay out!"

It was that time during the Sunday morning sermon, for the Children's sermon. All the children were invited to come foreward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress, and as she sat down the pastor leaned over to her and said, "That is a very pretty dress, is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied directly into the priest's clip on microphone, "Yes, and my mommy says, "It's a real b*tch to iron!"

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story Chicken Little to the class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read, "...and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher then asked the class, "and what do you think the farmer said?" One little girl raised her and replied, "I think he said, "Holy Sh*t! A talking chicken!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes!
Only the pure of heart can make good soup. - Beethoven

User avatar
diamondlil
Bibliomaniac

Postby diamondlil » Thu November 6th, 2008, 7:57 pm

Love these ones!
My Blog - Reading Adventures

All things Historical Fiction - Historical Tapestry


There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.

Edith Wharton

User avatar
Rowan
Bibliophile
Interest in HF: I love history, but it's boring in school. Historical fiction brings it alive for me.
Preferred HF: Iron-Age Britain, Roman Britain, Medieval Britain
Location: New Orleans
Contact:

Postby Rowan » Tue November 11th, 2008, 11:03 pm

A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to hospital and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will Viagra do for him Doctor?"

The doctor replied, "It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs."

User avatar
Spitfire
Reader
Location: Canada

Postby Spitfire » Wed November 19th, 2008, 3:05 am

Oh my! :o Funny though!
Only the pure of heart can make good soup. - Beethoven

Ash
Bibliomaniac
Location: Arizona, USA

Postby Ash » Wed November 19th, 2008, 4:29 am

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story Chicken Little to the class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read, "...and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher then asked the class, "and what do you think the farmer said?" One little girl raised her and replied, "I think he said, "Holy Sh*t! A talking chicken!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes!

Remind me of another teacher moment, true story. During our music time, we were singing holiday songs. One little boy wanted us to sing the chicken song. The chicken song? I asked. Can you tell me how it goes? You know, he said, 'making a list, chicken it twice'. I couldn't stop laughing....

User avatar
Carine
Compulsive Reader
Currently reading: Jonkvrouw - Jean-Claude Van Ryckeghem
Interest in HF: I love history
Favorite HF book: Can't pin that down to only 1 :-)
Preferred HF: Medieval, Tudor and Ancient Egyptian
Location: Ghent, Belgium
Contact:

Postby Carine » Wed November 19th, 2008, 7:07 am

Hahahaha, very good ones Ash !!! Kids hé ! :)


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