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Ignore Or Not to Ignore

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MLE (Emily Cotton)
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Interest in HF: started in childhood with the classics, which, IMHO are HF even if they were contemporary when written.
Favourite HF book: Prince of Foxes, by Samuel Shellabarger
Preferred HF: Currently prefer 1600 and earlier, but I'll read anything that keeps me turning the page.
Location: California Bay Area

Post by MLE (Emily Cotton) » Thu January 22nd, 2009, 10:40 pm

Well, I am definitely in the minority here, but I say, ignore it.
As to the rest, well, I'm a trainer. So until I knew what the training plan was, and where the individual was in the process, I couldn't begin to give advice on the next step. The correct thing to do for a rebellious teenager on the verge of throwing everything to the dogs would be quite different from the correct reaction for a generally compliant kid with a few respect issues.

If you want an individual to perform to a certain standard, then you have to have a plan for getting them there. Nobody and nothing goes from A to Z overnight. And the just-pre-adult age is a time when organisms will test the boundaries that were in place when they were juveniles, just to see which ones still apply.

This is the time when you have to give young adults reasons for their behavior, hopefully ones that will still hold water when you are no longer in a position to enforce them. At least you are dealing with a female. They respond well to 'herd pressure'. Your average almost-adult male only seems to learn through the process of pleasure versus pain! (I have one daughter, one stepdaughter, one stepson and two sons. The boys each gave me serious grief in their various ways, although they did eventually turn into decent human beings.)

Since you live with the kid every day. I'm sure you already know what to do in Harm's case. Keep plugging on, and remember that the most important part of those teen years is to get them through them in one piece.

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SonjaMarie
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Post by SonjaMarie » Thu January 22nd, 2009, 10:43 pm

Actually it was in a garbage bag and I would've never seen it if I wasn't trying to get something near it and something else fell down and as I went to pick it up I noticed the note in the bag, so she definitely didn't plan on me seeing it.

It was the remains of something we had for dinner.

She just got home and I explained to her basically what LCW said. If she wants things like batteries for her CD player, or time on her computer or to watch TV or other things, she needs to do what she's asked to do and to think things through before she does or doesn't do something. She's going to be 18 soon and while she'll still be in school as she was kept back a year and has learning problems eventually she'll need to get a job and they're going to ask her to do things, tell her to do things and she needs to do what she's told to do and not what she wants to do or she'll get fired and she needs to learn that lesson at home first.

Thanks ladies!

SM
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Tanzanite
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Post by Tanzanite » Fri January 23rd, 2009, 2:31 am

I think you are on the right path. After spending the last 3 months at home with my 17 year old daughter I learned that the transition from teenager to adulthood is rougher for the parent than the child. My daughter often complained that I treated her like a 5 year old - she was right to an extent - and so I started treating her more like I would treat any other adult, including my husband. If I asked my husband to throw it away I would expect him to do it and if he didn't, I'd be asking why. As someone else mentioned, everyone has responsibilities in a household and they need to be accountable (in whatever fashion that takes) for them. You should only have to do everything if you in fact have a small child; teenagers should be learning to be responsible and help out.

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Divia
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Post by Divia » Fri January 23rd, 2009, 3:33 am

I agree with what you did. :) And I agree with everyone else here. I've seen far too many teenagers who are given a green card to do whatever they want. they never learn responsibility. Good for you, for teaching your daughter what's right. :)
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Vanessa
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Currently reading: The Farm at the Edge of the World by Sarah Vaughan
Interest in HF: The first historical novel I read was Katherine by Anya Seton and this sparked off my interest in this genre.
Favourite HF book: Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell!
Preferred HF: Any
Location: North Yorkshire, UK

Post by Vanessa » Fri January 23rd, 2009, 8:18 am

I'm reading this thread with interest. I'm having nightmare problems with my daughter and she's only just turned 13! I don't know about toddler tantrums, this is far worse. LOL. She slams doors, won't communicate with us most of the time and thinks that we 'know nothing'. We do try to sit her down and talk and hope that some of it goes in. My sister-in-law keeps telling me it gets worse! :eek: I often wonder what happened to that sweet little girl I used to have and if I actually gave birth to or she's been swapped for a monster! I just keep on prodding and talking. And hoping she comes out of it the other end OK.

I think I'd ignore it, but next time she decides to leave something and puts it in the fridge, put a little note on it! :D
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Books are mirrors, you only see in them what you already have inside you ~ The Shadow of the Wind

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pat
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Post by pat » Fri January 23rd, 2009, 10:13 am

Vanessa, you are competing with the hormones! My daughter went through similar, and one thing I learnt was not to get angry, and not to raise my voice. This was only after getting angry and her looking at me with contempt. How I did not strike her I do no know. Be patient with her Vanessa, and talk to her when you can!

SM, at 16 she should do what is asked. The note was probably a vent for her feelings. Explain to her that she is in the house and is expected to help around as you should not do it all.

At 16 I was slapped by my mum for being cheeky to her. I still remember it well!
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EC2
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Post by EC2 » Fri January 23rd, 2009, 10:13 am

I thought I'd got away with it with my sons. No terrible teens at all, but they were just biding their time. Mine had their - staying out, drinking, getting pierced, being rowdy between the ages of 18 and 21. They're both fine now. Pierced one still has his piercings, but he's no longer the wild child.

SonjaMarie, I don't know what I'd do. I'd have to evaluate whether I was supposed to see that note or not. If I was, then I'd have words. If I wasn't I'd monitor the situation and use it as intelligence should there be another overstep. You're in charge.

Has everyone seen Harry Enfield's 'Kevin' character from his long running TV comedy sketch show? Spot on.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY
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Are always to be found between the hooves of horses
For never will cowards fall down there.'

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pat
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Post by pat » Fri January 23rd, 2009, 10:15 am

[quote=""EC2""]
Has everyone seen Harry Enfield's 'Kevin' character from his long running TV comedy sketch show? Spot on.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY[/quote]



We loved that! When our two whinge we go into Kevin and Perry mode and take the micky out of them! It does not always solve the problem but we enjoy it!
A good book and a good coffee, what more can anyone want? xx

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Vanessa
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Posts: 4270
Joined: August 2008
Currently reading: The Farm at the Edge of the World by Sarah Vaughan
Interest in HF: The first historical novel I read was Katherine by Anya Seton and this sparked off my interest in this genre.
Favourite HF book: Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell!
Preferred HF: Any
Location: North Yorkshire, UK

Post by Vanessa » Fri January 23rd, 2009, 2:25 pm

That's a great clip, EC. It definitely has a familiar ring to it! LOL.

Hormones have a lot to answer for!! Mind you, my husband doesn't think our daughter is normal, but then he's a man, so what does he know!
currently reading: My Books on Goodreads

Books are mirrors, you only see in them what you already have inside you ~ The Shadow of the Wind

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KingEricCantona7
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Post by KingEricCantona7 » Fri January 23rd, 2009, 3:37 pm

[quote=""Vanessa""]That's a great clip, EC. It definitely has a familiar ring to it! LOL.

Hormones have a lot to answer for!! Mind you, my husband doesn't think our daughter is normal, but then he's a man, so what does he know![/quote]
He knows more than he lets on but he's playing dumb. The second we let you know we have an answer is the second we can no longer watch our Manchester United games in peace. :D

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