Ignore Or Not to Ignore

SonjaMarie · Post by **SonjaMarie** » Thu January 22nd, 2009, 6:49 pm

I need some motherly advice.

2 times I ask Harm to throw something out that was in the fridge and every time she failed to do it, so last night I got upset with her and told her to throw it out then.

Today I found a note on top of the garbage, obviously not meant for me to see, but it said that if I wanted the thing thrown away so badly I should've done it myself. Should I confront her with the note and explain that when someone asks her to do something and she agrees when it doesn't get done the other person as a right to be annoyed, or should I ignore it because she hadn't meant for me to see it?

SM

michellemoran · Post by **michellemoran** » Thu January 22nd, 2009, 6:52 pm

How old is Harm?

SonjaMarie · Post by **SonjaMarie** » Thu January 22nd, 2009, 6:57 pm

[quote=""michellemoran""]How old is Harm?[/quote]

Sixteen.

SM

michellemoran · Post by **michellemoran** » Thu January 22nd, 2009, 7:58 pm

I could be wrong, since I'm only going off what you wrote, but my guess would be that at 16, she didn't "accidentally" leave the note on top of the trashcan.

LCW · Post by **LCW** » Thu January 22nd, 2009, 8:18 pm

JMO but I think that all actions or non-actions should have consequences. You're her mother and at 16 you still basically "control" her world, like, money, privileges, etc. If she chooses to disobey or ignore you then she makes the choice to lose something of value to her, whether it's a physical thing or a privilege. It sounds like she's just being a teenager and testing your authority and her boundaries. I know it's normal for teens to do this but I still think they should learn that their choices have repercussions and consequences. Anyway, that's my two cents! Good luck!

michellemoran · Post by **michellemoran** » Thu January 22nd, 2009, 8:41 pm

I totally agree with LCW. I used to do the same thing to my mom (oh, the shame!). She would keep asking me to do something, get tired of asking, and eventually do it herself. So we (my brother and I) knew that if we just played dumb, or incompetent, or deaf, for long enough, she would ultimately take care of it -- whatever it was. That stopped when she got wise and decided to do the same thing to us! HA! Teenagers really are a totally different species. I can't even fathom doing that now. It boggles the mind that I even tried it!

diamondlil · Post by **diamondlil** » Thu January 22nd, 2009, 9:15 pm

I wouldn't be ignoring it. As a member of the household I presume that she has some responsibilities, and part of that is to do what she is asked to do.

The fact that it was a note and not to your face doesn't change the fact that she was basically answering back.

boswellbaxter · Post by **boswellbaxter** » Thu January 22nd, 2009, 9:50 pm

I agree with Michelle--if it was where you could find it easily, it was probably meant for you to see, so I wouldn't ignore it.

Libby · Post by **Libby** » Thu January 22nd, 2009, 10:13 pm

She's sixteen. I doubt that throwing something out from the fridge is at the top of her priorities. What was it? And why was it her responsibility?

You should try raising a boy. They don't remember anything you've said for more than a nano second. It doesn't mean it's deliberate though.

I would say talk to your daughter. Explain why you wanted the item throwing out and why it annoyed you when she forgot. She's almost a grown up. Treat her like a grown up and she may just act like one. Treat her like a little child (though I believe all children should be treated with the same respect as an adult) and she'll respond like a little child.

Misfit · Post by **Misfit** » Thu January 22nd, 2009, 10:35 pm

[quote=""michellemoran""]I totally agree with LCW. I used to do the same thing to my mom (oh, the shame!).[/quote]

I was hell on earth at that age, what I put my poor mother through

I agree with the rest if they don't learn responsibility for their own actions they never will as adults. There's enough of that in this country as it is.