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Posted: Fri June 10th, 2011, 5:12 pm
"What am I doing here? When did we get two horses in the story? Does that make us this a love heptagon?"
The peasant maiden spoke up. "Enough of this. Prince Gorgeous, I am a princess under a spell and have been awaiting a handsome prince to rescue me. You, however have convinced me that if no other prince arrives I should do better to take one of these horses and ride off into the sunset by myself. Why don't you take tower girl and go home to live egomaniacally ever after?"
Silence ensued for a moment before "tower girl" asked...
Posted: Fri June 10th, 2011, 7:06 pm
"What's a heptagon?"
The crone stepped forward, brushing past Wilhelmina and walking straight for Elspeth, her dark, fathomless eyes alight and intense. "As I said," she rasped, "I know all about hexagons and hexes. And heptagons. And spells. You are under a spell? I can reverse it, and make you a princess once again. All I ask in return is....."
Let's get this show on the road again! Who'll follow on?
Posted: Sat January 19th, 2013, 5:48 pm
".. a subscription renewal," cackled the crone. "That's what I need to keep going? Don't we know that we're avatars in an online video game?"
Wilhemina staggered back in horror. "You mean..." she gasped.
"Yes," rasped the crone, "you're the avatar of a bored, middle-aged homemaker in Des Moines, Iowa, while I'm ..." and then, suddenly, she had gone, as if she had never existed. Nothing spectacular, no explosion, no flash, no noise. Just gone.
"Too late," said Prince Gorgeous. "That subscription wasn't renewed in time!"
"You mean..." Wilhemina begin.
"... that we're all living on borrowed time," said Elpeth.
"And worst of all," added Gorgeous, trying to hide the hint of despair in his voice, "none of us know how just when our subscriptions are going to run out!"
"We've got to think of soemthing," said Wilhemena. "There's got to be a way..."
Now read on...
Posted: Sat January 19th, 2013, 6:02 pm
Natalie started back from her computer. What had made the crone think she was a bored, middle-aged homemaker? Would a bored, middle-aged homemaker imagine herself to be a princess jealous of a peasant girl? Then she sighed. She was jealous, she had to admit it, of anyone who had lived in those computerless days of roaming knights when peasant girls had experienced no guilt whatsoever about eating the butter they had churned. She thought for a moment, and then, via her Wilhelmina avatar, addressed the crone.
Posted: Sun January 20th, 2013, 6:02 pm
Then Natalie thought better of it.
The crone was gone, gone for good, Natalie reflected, but her avatar Wilhelmina had to keep the initiative - but she must also keep secret that her temporary disguise as a bored, middle-aged homemaker masked the truth she was in fact Natalie Sevenoaks, supermodel turned billionaire, whose vastly successful gym franchises were scattered over fifty US states and a dozen nations. Once her ongoing take-over battle for the rival Figure-Divine franchise was complete she could revert to her jet-set lifestyle again - and the sooner the better.
It took but a moment for Natalie to renew her website subscription. Wilhemina now had at least another six months of life. And another six after that, and another six after that again - that useful platinum credit card practically guaranteed immortality.
And far off in cyberspace, in a land where dragons still roamed and knights still erred even if they were not errant, Princess Wilhemina felt a sudden flush of energy, a new surge of resolve.
"Now to deal with that stupid peasant lass, Elspeth," she thought, "and then that narcissistic oaf Gorgeous. And after that nothing will lie between me and power - absolute power."
And she smiled evilly ...
Posted: Mon January 21st, 2013, 11:07 pm
She smiled evilly and extended her hand to the prince, who gave Elspeth but a single glance before kissing Wilhelmina's hand and helping her onto his horse.
"But I am the true princess," Elspeth said. "Did you not hear the crone?"
"What crone?" Gorgeous said. Indeed, the crone had disappeared in the same instant when Princess Wilhelmina had flushed pink with new energy.
"Scram," Wilhelmina told Elspeth.
"You speak anachronistically," Elspeth retorted.
"Begone, then. I care not."
Gorgeous spurred his horse Gordon, who made the usual complaint, but broke into a gallop and soon disappeared over the horizon with his two riders.
"What the prince doesn't know about that horse," Elspeth said, addressing the second man, still perched carefully astride his own rather remarkable horse, "is that ...
Posted: Wed January 23rd, 2013, 1:45 pm
... he is descended from Shadowfax, mount of Gandalf! No horse is faster!"
Wilhemina ground her teeth as she saw Elspeth and her lover, and that mysterious second man, disappear over horizon in a cloud of dust.
"Revenge will be mine," she thought, "but first I need to get back to my bower where I can brew my spells. So much then for Elspeth and the ambitions she harbours so high above her station!"
A sound of munching made her turn and she saw Hodge, the huge lumbering cart-horse Elsbeth had come here on, contentedly munching the sparse grass of the plain.
"Beggars can't be choosers," Wilhemina though as she grasped Hodge's mane and heaved herself on to his back. It was at least broad and comfortable even it it was bare.
"Giddy up, Hodge!" she said, pulling his head around by his rope halter. "We've got a long ride ahead of us!"
Hodge lurched into a walk.
"There was something vaguely familiar about that second man," Wilhemina thought. "Dark, handsome and with a livid scar on the left side of his face. I've seen him somewhere before - but where?"
Hodge plodded patiently on. And far off, in the far distance, half obscured by haze, Wilhemina could just make her destination, the ...
Posted: Tue January 29th, 2013, 3:04 am
tower. Her bower in the tower is at once her sanctum and her prison. Again she reflected, there are not that many differences between a princess and a crone. They both reside in lonely towers, pining for true love: the crone with a bitter mourning for a lost love and the princess with the breathless excitement of a true love yet to come. In fact a princess in the fullness of time and long after the happily ever afters, will very likely evolve into a crone. The thought made Wilhemina shudder; certainly she would never neglect her appearance to the crone degree.
If I am to be a crone one day she said as she combed her silken curls through her fingers, I will be a smokin hot crone.
Right. Now about that tower rising in the distance, home to crone and princess alike where wishes are made, spells are hatched, dreams are weaved, and plots are conceived. Towers are a very fertile environment. The folk who live below stairs are often startled awake by the noxious smells, the gentle sighs, the booming cackling, and the forlorn singing.
Ekberg you idiot, Ive not gotten a proper nights sleep since we moved from the airport
Go back to sleep Mable, were not in this scene
At last Hodges slow plodding brought her to the empty courtyard of her tower. With a frown of annoyance that no one came to her assistance, she slid (she fell) with a graceful ease (it was an uncontrolled tumble) from the horses back. Smoothing out her silken skirts, her silken hair, and her silken features she started the long climb up to her bower in the tower.
Posted: Fri February 1st, 2013, 9:15 am
Wilhemina was panting when she finally reached her bower, but her aching knees (and the uncomfortable thought that they would be even more painful, years hence, when she had become a crone) were not enough to keep her from her bookshelf. A vicious smile spread over her features as she puled out Volume 7 (Pustules to Slug Transformation) of her latest edition of "An Amateur's Guide to Spells and their Applications".
Riffling through the pages she quickly found what she wanted and she began to laugh as she thought of the very nasty surprise indeed she would be arranging for Elspeth. That uppity peasant wench would never guess what she would be when she woke in the morning! Wilhemina jotted down the necessary ingredients on a piece of parchment, then crossed to her storage shelves. She was confident that everything she needed was in stock. She hadn't used much when she had given that tenant farmer duck's feet after he'd been slow paying the rent.
She began to open a succession of jars.
Tongue of Newt - check.
Leg of frog - check.
This was looking bad for Elspeth!
Stagnant water - check.
Rotting Log - check.
And then Wilhemina screamed with rage and frustration.
Just where could she find three hairs from a vixen's tail at short notice?
Posted: Sat February 2nd, 2013, 4:10 am
Wilhemina was pondering when she got her answer. At that moment a fairy named Venus came to her and told her to go to the end of the rainbow in Sweden. Wilhemina went to Sweden, but there were no rainbows. She then went to Norway and found a troll who took all her money. Left penniless, she was then transported to Mars on a dragon named Francis who could breathe in space.