What NOT to include in your query letter
Posted: Wed June 6th, 2012, 1:15 pm
I've been amusing myself this morning writing 25 sentences NOT to include in your query letter. Here's a selection - please feel free to join in.
Whats that smell coming off the ms youre holding? - thats the smell of serious money.
Friends who I have shown my book to all say things like: the best story I ever read, definite best seller, itll make a great movie etc.
This book will change the face of publishing forever.
'I didnt see any historical fiction on your list, so this is a great opportunity for you to publish in a popular genre.
I have not included a synopsis as that would spoil the surprise at the end of the story.
I know you asked for only three chapters, but my book is finished and anyway Im confident youll want to read on after the first three chapters so Ive enclosed the whole thing.
Excuse the handwritten ms - my typewriter is on the blink.
You asked for submissions by post, but these days people find that email is quicker, cheaper, and gets right to your computer - please click the attachment above and start reading straightaway.
Please ignore the spelling mistaks - never my strong point at school.
As youll see from my pic enclosed, I have all the attributes your publicity people need for setting up celebrity interviews etc.
More than twenty agents and publishers have rejected this already - please do not add your name to the list of the stupid.
Please get back to me not later than the 17th - I have given the same deadline to everyone Ive sent to so I can assess all offers and make a decision.
Whats that smell coming off the ms youre holding? - thats the smell of serious money.
Friends who I have shown my book to all say things like: the best story I ever read, definite best seller, itll make a great movie etc.
This book will change the face of publishing forever.
'I didnt see any historical fiction on your list, so this is a great opportunity for you to publish in a popular genre.
I have not included a synopsis as that would spoil the surprise at the end of the story.
I know you asked for only three chapters, but my book is finished and anyway Im confident youll want to read on after the first three chapters so Ive enclosed the whole thing.
Excuse the handwritten ms - my typewriter is on the blink.
You asked for submissions by post, but these days people find that email is quicker, cheaper, and gets right to your computer - please click the attachment above and start reading straightaway.
Please ignore the spelling mistaks - never my strong point at school.
As youll see from my pic enclosed, I have all the attributes your publicity people need for setting up celebrity interviews etc.
More than twenty agents and publishers have rejected this already - please do not add your name to the list of the stupid.
Please get back to me not later than the 17th - I have given the same deadline to everyone Ive sent to so I can assess all offers and make a decision.