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I thought it was bad here in the States, but no,

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Misfit
Bibliomaniac
Location: Seattle, WA

I thought it was bad here in the States, but no,

Postby Misfit » Fri November 21st, 2008, 4:20 pm

Credit for this to my Amazon friend Nick the Brit,

The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examinations in Swindon (where I live) . These are genuine responses from 16 year olds. These kids are a blend of stupid and very funny...

Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Se* can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (E.g. abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax, the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, O,U, and I.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean Section.'
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome .

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

English
Q: Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head.

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Alaric
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Location: Adelaide, Australia.
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Postby Alaric » Fri November 21st, 2008, 4:41 pm

"Misfit" wrote:Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.


That's not technically wrong though. :p

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boswellbaxter
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Location: North Carolina
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Postby boswellbaxter » Fri November 21st, 2008, 4:52 pm

Funny, but it looks as if these have been around a while. Googling turns them up for a British exam in 2003 and on a list of answers supposedly given by Arkansas students in 2000.

http://www.geocities.com/redneck_jokes/redneck-jokes-40.html

http://www.frostjedi.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?p=42671
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KingEricCantona7
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Location: Garland, TX, USA
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Postby KingEricCantona7 » Fri November 21st, 2008, 5:20 pm

I know what a Fibula is after I had two of my soccer players break that very bone this season.

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Misfit
Bibliomaniac
Location: Seattle, WA

Postby Misfit » Fri November 21st, 2008, 5:39 pm

"boswellbaxter" wrote:Funny, but it looks as if these have been around a while. Googling turns them up for a British exam in 2003 and on a list of answers supposedly given by Arkansas students in 2000.

http://www.geocities.com/redneck_jokes/redneck-jokes-40.html

http://www.frostjedi.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?p=42671


Sigh... might have known it would come back to us in the US :p

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SonjaMarie
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Location: Vashon, WA
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Postby SonjaMarie » Fri November 21st, 2008, 6:13 pm

I particularly liked the cow one, he's not wrong, keeping it in the cow will not let it go sour!

Regardless of where they came from they were downright funny and scary, man some people are just STUPID!

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Telynor
Bibliophile
Location: On the Banks of the Hudson

Postby Telynor » Sat November 22nd, 2008, 7:09 pm

For much of the same vein, check out Jay Leno's Headlines on monday nights. It's brief, but very funny. People send in newspaper and magazine clippings where a bit of misspelling or strange grammer has unintended humour.

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michellemoran
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Postby michellemoran » Sat November 22nd, 2008, 7:48 pm

I love Leno's headlines! Sort of like Failblog.
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Helen_Davis
Compulsive Reader

Postby Helen_Davis » Sun November 23rd, 2008, 2:05 am

where are you from, Misfit?

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Misfit
Bibliomaniac
Location: Seattle, WA

Postby Misfit » Sun November 23rd, 2008, 3:05 am

"Andromeda_Organa" wrote:where are you from, Misfit?


Seattle, WA


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