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friends who borrow books....

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nona
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friends who borrow books....

Post by nona » Thu May 28th, 2009, 2:14 am

I've loaned my fair share of books from libraries and friends and family but I've always managed to take the utmost care of them they are returned in the same condition I borrowed them in. I have my growing collection of books or at least most of them on my bookshelves out in the open, my sister in law and a few friends have started borrowing books from me with no problem until late.....my prized first romance though not in mint condition but as close to new as I could get came back dog eared and with creases in the spine and another is plain missing and when I asked about it they said 'oh I don't think I borrowed that one' I keep track of who has what and so forth. So how do you breach the respect my books gap, does anyone have this problem too? I love to share them and talk about them but at the same time I don't want to have to replace them because I let someone read them and they did not take care of it.

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MLE (Emily Cotton)
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Post by MLE (Emily Cotton) » Thu May 28th, 2009, 2:24 am

Nona, I struggled with people who messed up my things for years. The truth is, I valued things and used people. Eventually, I worked out that I had it backwards: things are to be used, and people are to be valued.

My hope is that by the time I die, all my things have been used up in the service of people I have come to love.

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nona
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Post by nona » Thu May 28th, 2009, 2:33 am

you might have a good point, maybe I do value my books a little too much, I just wish they respected me a little more I guess. I'm only this way about my reading material which is odd yet then again my books are my ecscape and honestly I think it would be the same person and same problem with anything, they just don't take care of stuff period if you know what I mean. Sorry for the rant.

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Divia
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Post by Divia » Thu May 28th, 2009, 2:44 am

I allow people to borrow the books I dont care about. It might sound foolish but I don't want my prize possessions going out. I won't give up that first copy of Phantom by Susan Kay nor those pricey Victorian books I have purchased.

If I did let them go and they came back in less than stellar condition I would blame the person and hold a grudge. Better not to cross that bridge.
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Alaric
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Post by Alaric » Thu May 28th, 2009, 3:35 am

I let my best friend borrow any of mine because I know he takes care of them as well. I think he is as anally retentive as I am about damaging them, as if he takes it with him he wraps it up in a paperbag before putting it inside his laptop bag. I've never got a book back from him damaged. Other people, well, that's another matter. They haven't got the trust yet. :p

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Telynor
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Post by Telynor » Thu May 28th, 2009, 3:52 am

It depends on who I am lending to. Some folks I will happily lend a book to, knowing that it will come back intact. Some folks I wouldn't let them touch one of my volumes, knowing how they treat books. There are some volumes in my library -- the facsimiles, the big art books, the rare ones that I can't replace -- those simply don't leave the house. But I am more than willing to have someone over to look at them, and I will happily feed them tea while we discuss them. But as to most of my paperbacks and hardbound fiction -- why yes, I'd lend them out if I can find a replacement copy if need be.

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SonjaMarie
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Post by SonjaMarie » Thu May 28th, 2009, 3:59 am

I don't have any local friends to loan books to even if I was willing to. Of course I'd never loan any of my Lady Jane Grey collection.

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Carine
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Post by Carine » Thu May 28th, 2009, 6:04 am

I lost a book twice already that way ! The second one is the first book in the Mary Stewart's Merlin trilogy. The girl that borrowed it has it now for about 18 months and when I ask her about it she avoids my question ! I think she lost it or something !! This I find terrible !! :mad:

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zsigandr
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Post by zsigandr » Thu May 28th, 2009, 10:13 am

I lent out a couple of paper backs from my collection last year to a relative and I have yet to have them returned. I agree with MLE that we should value people and not things, but I have a hard time coming to term with such losses! :(

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Madeleine
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Post by Madeleine » Thu May 28th, 2009, 10:25 am

I'm pretty anally retentive about my books too! I've lost a few through lending them out, and hate it if a book comes back in bad condition, although I once lent a couple of pbs to a colleague for holiday reads, and she kept them beautifully in plastic bags so that she wouldn't get suntan cream/sand/water on them, very thoughtful of her! I think if people don't worry about losing or damaging someone else's property then it shows they're not that considerate, probably not a major flaw but there are some people I'd think twice about lending a book too; one friend was very honest and refused my offer by saying that she'd probably get food all over the book, which is fair enough. But it does get embarrassing if you have to ask someone for something that you lent them ages ago, probably not worth falling out over though.

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